New Presidential Line of Succession Sought - No, I am not Making This Up

Even my favorite humorist Dave Barry would never run this story in his column. First it's not believable, and second it's not funny, it's frightening. Therefore, it must be coming from a Bush apostle...

Legislation introduced this month by Senate Republicans, including Texan John Cornyn, would dramatically change the way presidential succession works.

Should the president become incapacitated along with the vice president, members of Congress would be ineligible for the top leadership position in favor of Cabinet members.

At this time, if a president and vice president were killed, the speaker of the House would become president. Next in line would be the president pro tem of the Senate, a senior member of the majority party.

Cornyn and other lawmakers, along with a number of scholars and researchers, think the law is outdated and may be unconstitutional.

The bill he introduced with Republican Sen. Trent Lott of Mississippi would remove members of Congress from the line of succession. Instead, Cabinet members, beginning with the secretary of state and followed by the treasury secretary, defense secretary, attorney general and the homeland security director, would form the line behind the president and vice president.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., has not taken a position on the legislation

I know you have several questions, veterans, and others reading, so I've attempted to save you some time by asking the questions for you:

What happens if your president has already been incapacitated mentally for three years?
What happens if you can't find the vice president?
Why is Denny (me too! Mr. President!) Hastert not raising his hand on this one?
How come we don't see any elected officials in the new line of succession?
Have you thought about the fact that our attorney general, who lost his Senate election to a dead man, could be the next president?

Clearly this new line of succession will have to be addressed in yet another new Amendment to the Constitution (after the president firebombs San Francisco). But I don't think the succession list was cleared with Mr. Bush before it hit the media. Fortunately for you readers, it so happens that a White House snitch has emailed me the real order of succession, after the president & vice president: if you still have your copy of last Sunday's Parade magazine, you can see it on the cover - the top 10 dictators in the world. If none of those guys are acceptable, the snitch says that Arnold Schwarzenegger is ready (yes, I know, but another Constitutional Amendment is in the works...)