Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Heard Outside Condi Rice's Door This Morning...

Rice: Ok, I must have 15 drafts of this stupid speech, where's the latest one?
Speechwriter: Um, here it is..

Rice: OK: Let's try this again.... "First of all, I'd like to apologize...." No, no, this is NOT my speech..
Speechwriter: Oh sorry, I have been working on speeches for a bunch of people...What do you want to say about that FBI agent who reported that he found evidence of a lot of Saudis taking civilian jet piloting training in Aug 2001?

Rice: Isn't he the guy that wears women's underwear?
Speechwriter: No, we've already used that one on Clarke and nobody cares these days anyways.
Rice: OK, let's just say it was bad intelligence.
Speechwriter: I think we've overused that one...
Rice: OK, well I want his wife 'outted'

Speechwriter: His wife? We've already used that one too, on Valerie Plame... Ok, look we need to show you've been in charge of things all along and that you've understood the threat. After all the President put you in charge of Iraq last year.

Rice: He did what???
Speechwriter: Right - back in October. And then in a speech, he said you were doing a great job. He called you his "unsticker".
Rice: What the hell does that mean?
Speechwriter: It's hard to tell coming from him, but I guess it means you unstick things.

Rice: Don't put a word in there that I'm in charge of Iraq, got it?
Speechwriter: Right....But, there's another problem - remember Bob Woodward's book, Bush at War where, the day after 9/11 over at Camp David, the president told you to shut up and sit quietly while the rest of the cabinet discussed what to do?... I'll have to spin that one somehow. It makes it sound like you didn't know what was going on...

Speechwriter: And another thing, don't forget to smile once in awhile in front of the Commission tomorrow. The pictures of you in the media have you scowling worse than Richard Nixon...
Rice: Who??

Speechwriter: Look this is going to take awhile, I'd better call home
Rice: Right, don't plan on going home tonight...

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