Entire Middle-East Library of Ancient and Modern Civilization Found Safe in the Bombing Rubble...

So, for two days we were shown pictures of Al-Z's safe house - and nothing was left, except pebbles, splinters, and the incongruous fairly intact visage of the infamous butcher. Now, it comes to light that not only did he live through two 500lb high tech guided bombs for an hour, but that other important documents were also apparently immune to the attack on this safe house which looked slightly stronger than a boy scout tent.

And not wanting to miss out on any more of this unfolding story, we sent our crack reporter to the scene to find out what else might have been recovered. Our efforts were rewarded, and we can now bring you this exclusive report from the Dept of Defense that the following items were also recovered amongst the otherwise incinerated debris:

- The secret formula for Coca Cola
- Proprietary engineering drawings for walking sticks to be used while escaping allied forces in the mountains
- A supposedly stolen original U.S. plan for withdrawing forces from Iraq
(believed to be a fake)
- Original digital images of Brad & Angelina's baby
- Mapquest directions for walking into the U.S. from Mexico (over 1,000 options available for study!)
- The clearest photo of a Sasquatch in existence

We knew you would be amazed at the incredible improvements in the administration's intelligence sources, and we are ready for a Pulitzer Prize anytime now.