October Surprise List

If Sean Hannity says the that the Repugs are in trouble for Nov 7 beacuse he is afraid that they will stay home and not vote, you can bet that the elephant's election war machine is starting to move. Since they won't be capable of doing anything morally or intellectually acceptable (thank you Mr. Rumsfeld for those insightful words) - and nobody will be able stand Mr. Bush's daily speeches on Facism for two months - that still leaves an almost limitless number of possibilities to forestall the end of the neocons.

Let's see, what could a neocon/rove talking points list look like, listing possible alternatives for an October surprise? Your job is to figure out which of these are tongue-in cheek:

1. Force Mr. Cheney to retire for 'health reasons.' Pick John McCain or Condi Rice as the new VP.
2. Bring back John Ashcroft to be in charge of personally issuing daily changes in the Homeland Security alert status (hmm, what color is above 'red'?).
3. Arrest Jimmy Carter and send him to Guantanimo for causing the current crisis in the Middle East.
4. Arrest Bill Clinton for the same thing.
5. Fire Tony Snow and bring in Rush Limbaugh as press secretary.
6. Set off fireworks in several major cities, preferably on the West or East coasts (blue states), and claim we are under attack.
7. Assume presidential powers to jail any Democrat in Congress.
8. Issue a no-bid contract to Diebold to ensure we have a one party election.
9. Go to Pakistan and ask Bin Laden (currently on vacation there) if he would please give himself up - or at least to issue video tapes more often so that there will be enough material to quote for news conferences.

So, you don't agree with any of these? What would you add to the list?